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It is probably unhealthy the degree to which this time of year brings a spring to my step. Nonetheless, we are officially less than fifty hours away from NFL football. And with that reality on tap, I can begin (shamelessly at least) thinking about fantasy and tweaking my roster more than anything else. No wonder I’m broke.

Enough of that self-pity crap and on to my roster. And yes, I said roster. I made a commitment to myself to field only one team this year. While it is certainly enjoyable to stockpile tons of great players across multiple teams, where is the authenticity in that? I’m sure any NFL owner would love to have numerous top-five talents at each position distributed amongst several squads, and then actively pimp the team that finds the most success. But even if this is fantasy, it just doesn’t work that way.

Thus I stuck with my favorite league and said “good-bye” to all the others. I don’t even have any throwaway teams in free public leagues on sites such as espn.com. F*ck You Manu* is in its fifth year of operation, and all of my rival owners are active in the league as well as personal friends. For the sake of full disclosure, I am both the Commissioner and reigning champion. Based on what I’ve gathered following the draft, though, I wouldn’t call myself the favorite to repeat in 2010, at least not before I pull off a mid-season trade for an upgrade at QB. But I am certainly ready to roll with my guys. You be the judge.

HUGO CHAVEZ ROSTER

QB: Matt Cassel; Derek Anderson; Jason Campbell; Matt Moore
RB: Arian Foster; Ahmad Bradshaw; Carnell Williams; Leon Washington
WR: Andre Johnson; Calvin Johnson; Brandon Marshall; Marques Colston; Dwayne Bowe; Johnny Knox; Joshua Cribbs
TE: Jermichael Finley; Owen Daniels; Jermaine Gresham
K: David Buehler
DEF/ST: Philadelphia Eagles
DL: Julius Peppers
LB: [yet to be signed]
DB: Bernard Pollard

*Despite the enjoyment our league has provided to all its former and current members, unfortunately its nomenclature has a more troubled history that may only be cured by a Dallas Mavericks NBA Championship. F*ck You Manu was preceded in title by F*ck Tha Birdman (2009), F*ck David West (2008), F*ck Matt Barnes (2007), & F*ck Dwyane Wade (2006) – chilling references to figures who played notable roles in ousting the Mavs from their perennial championship quest.

More about the league:
-We maintain a cap of ten franchises in the league due to the use of two starting quarterbacks per team and the complications presented therein during bye weeks.
-On that note, the starting roster slots are as follows: QB, QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, WR, TE, RB/WR, WR/TE, K, D/ST, DL, LB, DB.
-Scoring settings have been tweaked through the years and we believe they are the best in the business. Here is the rundown:
Offensive Players
Passing Yards 1 point per 30 yards
Passing Touchdowns 6
Interceptions -3
Rushing Yards 1 point per 10 yards
Rushing Touchdowns 6
Reception Yards 1 point per 10 yards
Reception Touchdowns 6
Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns 10
2-Point Conversions 2
Fumbles Lost -2
Offensive Fumble Return TD 6
Kickers
Field Goals 0-19 Yards 3
Field Goals 20-29 Yards 3
Field Goals 30-39 Yards 4
Field Goals 40-49 Yards 5
Field Goals 50+ Yards 10
Point After Attempt Made 1
Point After Attempt Missed -2
Defense+Special Teams Unit
Sack 1.5
Interception 3
Fumble Recovery 3
Defensive Touchdown 6
Safety 4
Block Kick 4
Kickoff and Punt Return Touchdowns 6
Points Allowed 0 points 20
Points Allowed 1-6 points 13
Points Allowed 7-13 points 7
Points Allowed 14-20 points 3
Points Allowed 21-27 points 0
Points Allowed 28-34 points -2
Points Allowed 35+ points -6
Individual Defensive Players
Tackle Solo 1.25
Tackle Assist 0.75
Sack 3
Interception 5
Fumble Force 4
Fumble Recovery 4
Defensive Touchdown 10
Safety 7
Pass Defended 1.75
Block Kick 6

-And finally, what about the moolah? $35 is the entry fee. $250 goes to the victor. $65 for losing in the Super Bowl. And winning the 3rd place consolation game boomerangs your original $35 back to you.